Trusting

Lately, I have been learning a lot about overcoming fear.

In my own perfect world, I would already have a teaching job lined up for next year. My students would always listen to me when I instruct from the front of the classroom, and I would never hear the words "we have a test today?" when administering an exam.

I would be a home owner, and a mama. I could sit in my backyard in a bathing suit, basking in the sun behind my fence which so graciously gives me a hint of privacy from neighbors.

I would get to rock my precious little baby to sleep every night, and tell them how much they are loved, how often they were prayed for.  I would kiss their forehead every morning.

I wouldn't have to spend over half of my week nights in a bed alone, because my husband would magically be able to have his dream job traveling around North America doing sales, AND get to be the big spoon every night.

In MY perfect world.

……………….

…..

…..

About 3 years ago, I learned to let go of control; it's not an easy matter for someone who hopes for the best possible outcome in every situation.  People who love control often come from backgrounds which lacks it...leading them to seek normalcy through the action of being in charge.

 I am learning that not being in charge of my own life, and giving that up to God is much more rewarding. At times it's challenging to trust completely, to know that God's plan is full of provision.

I know that no matter how awesome my plan may sound, God's plan is so much greater than anything I could have ever imagined! Each time I look back at my plans that didn't work out (and how bummed I was each time another desire or hope was shutdown) I think about the new doors that were opened instead.

My husband.

Sandpoint.

Teaching.

Traveling Central America.

New Hobbies.

The University of Idaho.

Relationships.

Basically, everything that matters to me.

These doors being opened by God are so much more than I could have ever envisioned.  My day-to-day life is much different than I pictured it would be, I am sure you readers can relate.  Like I said, God’s plan is so much cooler than mine.


This week, it became clear to me that I needed to shut a door of my own. Then, another one of Nicholas and my "big life plans" crashed and burned with flying colors a few days ago. My fear, at times, is that it will never all work out.

It’s easy to let fears haunt us.  Will I ever get to experience parenthood? How do we know where we should live and work?  What place is right for us?  How will I pay for this if I…….

But then I remember….

 I have no reason to doubt that God will provide.

Coco Chanel said it this way: “Don’t spend time beating on a wall, hoping to transform it into a door.” 

  You know what, Coco…that’s a good point.  Why would someone tear down a wall to create an exit, when instead they could walk through the gorgeous door that’s already been built? 

I am excited to see where that door leads us.